Memories Of A Lost Love
by Vampire 24
Summary: A reflection on Clare and Kc's time together up until their break up and how their past relationship has helped them become who they are today. There will be major Klare as well as mentions of Eclare and Kenna. Takes place during seasons 8 through 10.
1. Chapter 1: Interested for research

Okay so, fanfiction number two! Thank you very much to **alspancakeworldnews** for reviewing my first story **Comparison**.

Also,I feel very ashamed for not mentioning her in my first story, specail thanks to **Claudia Montague **because she inspired to want to post my writing for criticism.

Disclamir: Degrassi is not mine.

Inspiration(s): Uptown Girl, Season 8, Episode 2

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"You're so much more than the smart one."

Than what am I? I had always been the smart one, it was a role that I had learned to play very well and to have someone tell me I wasn't...I felt like a person just waking up from a coma. Scared. Unsure of who or what I was. I had never questioned my place, I had just assumed the only empty spot beside Darcy. She was the "perfect daughter" so there wasn't much that she couldn't do however, my grades were always far better than hers.

Why do I care so much about what some stupid boy said anyway? I thought to myself. Still, that night I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror,analyzing myself. My cinnamon colored hair had long ago been freed from it's ponytail holder prison and now hung loosely around my shoulders, sheltering my face like a curtain as I leaned forward against the sink to better examine myself.I looked the same as I had earlier that day and the day before that. My appearance hadn't changed in any way since I'd stopped being "the smart one."

There was a knock at the door to the bathroom. "Come in," I said pushing back off of the sink. Apperantly I pushed back a little too hard, because I staggered back nearly elbowing my sister in the stomach. "Sorry Darce," I said embarrassed as she caught me by my elbow.

"It's fine," holding up a large gray duffel bag she said, "help me pack?" In two days Darcy would believing to study abroad in Kenya.

I nodded my head and we began scurrying around the bathroom. We loaded several bottles of hair care products and perfumes into the bag. Darcy went into the cabinet under the sink and grabbed a handful of unopened soap bars as well. Most of the stuff Darcy had never even touched. I mentally added up the cost of all the items and realized that they equaled more than triple my allowance. I laughed quietly shaking my head. Leave it too my sister.

"What's so funny," Darcy asked eyeing me as if I were crazy.

"Nothing," I said capturing control of myself.

We quickly finished in the bathroom and went back to our bedroom, which would soon be mine. I felt a pang in my chest. Darcy walked over to her bed and attempted to tidy up the contents of her toiletry duffel bag. "What am I to you?" I blurted without thinking. Darcy turned to me lifting eyebrow in genuine curiosity.

"You're my sister," she said simply.

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously," I muttered. Then I realized, Darcy had no idea what I meant. I decided to elaborate. " When you look at me, you see me as 'smart,' right?"

Darcy furrowed her eyebrows, knitting them together in confusion. "Clare you've always been smart," Darcy said sounding unsure, as if she were now questioning my mental stability.

"Thanks," I huffed crawling into bed. I knew Darcy wouldn't understand what I was trying to tell her unless I spilled all of the details about my encounter with Kc. Though I was almost sure that the whole school knew about my cafeteria concert. I was pretty positive that Kc hadn't told anyone about our conversation earlier. It had been rather private. I trusted that he was a decent enough human being that he would try to keep it that way.

I pulled my covers up to my chest and stared blankly at the ceiling, waiting for Darcy to turn off the lights. If nothing else this Kc boy had sparked my int rest by questioning my existence. I would have to get to know him a little bit better...for research purposes if nothing else.

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Sooo...good?...bad?...let me know please!

The next chapter will be Kc's point of view on the quote.

The chapter after that is their build up to a relationship...it may also be their break up depending on where my mind takes me. To be honest I wasn't planning on analyzing this quote for more than a paragraph. Oh well.

Thanks for reading!

Please Review.


	2. Chapter 2: Curious for amuesment

"You're so much more than the smart one."

It was something that I always wanted to be told without that exact wording.

"You're so much more than the bad one."

I had always wanted someone to say something like that to me, to give me hope that I could be something better, something good.

"I don't care what people think."

It was a chant of protection that I had repeated often. Mind over matter. If you don't mind; it doesn't matter. If you tell yourself you haven't been hurt then, the pain will reflect in your eyes you a little bit less. She was like me but, with slightly better circumstances. My parents were drug addicts; bad people. It had always been assumed that I would end up being that way too. So, I had to prove myself, battle for my right to exist and never slip up.

Clare felt pressured too. Her sister was beautiful; perfection. I had seen her around school and multiple times and note that she seemed to be living the good life. To be honest the moment that I saw Clare in her uniform I knew that she was like me. Different. Intentionally isolating herself for fear of getting hurt. That simple fact made us a like in the of the worst ways.

We were forced into cookie cutter imagies; only allowed to let certain parts of our personalities were victims; forced to live forever in the shadows of those who had walked before us. Somewhere between embarrassing her in the cafeteria and comforting her in the hallway, I decided that I would watch Clare. She had left an impression on me and I was curious to see how she would step out of the shadows.


	3. You Give Me Confidence

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while.**

**I realize that it's unfair to leave my readers hanging when I'm not updating so, I've found you a wonderful author by the name of Crushstilletos, who's writing will keep you plenty entertained while I'm not writing and make you forget all about my boring stories even when I do finally update (just remember to leave yourself a memo). Check out her new story "****Hey, Can You Do Me A Favor?" and her already completed work "****Vague About Freshman Year, Aren't We Girls?" Here writing has just the right mix of rromance andDrama along with hilarity that ensues in every chapter. Plus, there is some powerful feminism in latest chapter of "****Hey, Can You Do Me A Favor?" that involves our favorite blue-eye beauty. Need I say more? Fine, there's also Eclare! **

**************(Wait read my story before you fly off and look for her profile!) **

**************Disclamier: Degrassi is not mine...yet.**

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It was strange being with Kc, Alli, and Conner. It felt like Kc was always trying to rile me up and get a reaction out of me. He was testing the waters of my personality, trying to see something that I couldn't. It was a bit irritating. Alli and I had nothing in common besides the fact that we were both girls. She was pretty and seemingly unconcerned with the world around her. I admired her for that. Conner and I had a lot in common but, there was something…off about him. We could talk for hours and hours on end about robots and video games but, anything not related to science wouldn't seem relatively interesting to him in a conversation.

I'm not even sure why were together. I guess that we were all outcasts in our own way so, when our classmates were began cliques we just sort of melded together. Not that any of us ever questioned out loud; we just went with the flow and I couldn't believe how comfortable I started to feel around them and how natural it was to see them every day. In my time spent with them...I think that I grew a little bit as a person.

When it was time for the Sweetheart Dance, I was perfectly content with just going with all of my friends but, they didn't want it that way. Alli wanted to go with Johnny while both boys wanted to go with me. I had been second best all of my life, I didn't want to put anyone else through that but, in the end it happened anyway. What makes me feel extremely guilty about hurting Conner is that I went home that night with a giant smile on my face though I knew he was probably crying his eyes out.

Eventually, our clique went back to normal. I was getting happier and happier as the days went by and I even allowed Alli to give me a makeover. "You look pretty today," Kc said smiling sheepishly at me. Later on that day I was crushed when I heard that he'd kissed Alli. She was prettier than me obviously and Kc and I weren't really dating but…it still hurt a lot. The disappointment that it wasn't me he'd kissed and the betrayal that Alli had initiated it took me back to my insecurities all over again even after the apologizes had been said and the confusion cleared up.

I got over those feelings quickly, pushing them down in my heart and hiding them as Kc began giving me all of his attention and showering me with compliments. I was happy once again. Then, the truth came out about his past.

"Did you really do what Reese said?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. _Say no, _my mind kept screaming, _oh please just say no_.

"My friends and I … from my last school… we used to find… _interesting_ was to past the time"

"Like stealing cars," I gasped in disbelief. I couldn't imagine this boy in front of me – this boy who I had once thought was sweet and kind- doing something illegal; something that could potentially involve _hurting_ people. My mind jumped to Darcy and the violence she had once experienced.

"Like lots of things that you don't want to know about," he said and I was slightly thankful that he didn't go into detail on his evil deeds.

However, I was slightly offended when I thought about _why_ he didn't want to go into detail. I told him about my insecurities the first day that we met and yet, nearly three months later after all we'd been through, he wouldn't tell me his. Didn't he trust me? I voiced my thoughts and they came out l aced hand in hand with anger. "Why can't you talk to me about this?"

"You had this idea of me…that I'm a good guy…I liked it…and now Conner went and ruined it." As if on cue, Conner came over and our argument escalated. We argued constantly for the next few days. Somehow, I felt like him provoking me to fight was another one of his attempts at testing the waters of my personality. We continued to lash out at each other up until Conner decided to intervene. By the end of the night we were together; really together and I was happy. Finally, I recognized the feeling of being with Kc. Confidence.

I just wish that I'd known how short lived it would be.

How quickly we would crumble.

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**Five more chapters to go!**

**I'll try to have the next one up before Sunday is over.**

**Please review this chapter.**

**Done? Okay.**

**(Now got to Crushstilletos!)**


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